I recently gave a reading to a man who was feeling guilty because even though he was happily married, he found himself attracted to and connecting with someone else. He worried that he was a bad person because he couldn’t control these feelings. He loved his wife, and didn’t want to ruin their relationship.
When I asked his spirit guides what he could do to feel more peaceful about this situation, they said:
“Love is big. It moves where it wants to move, and goes where it wants to flow. You are not the conductor of that. Life is. God is. Let yourself off the hook. It’s okay to have the feelings that arise, unbidden. It doesn’t mean you have to change your whole life. You don’t have to make declarations or confessions. Everything is perfect. Don’t make the mind wrong, don’t make the feelings wrong, and you shall have peace.”
Basically, they were saying that as long as he didn’t judge himself for his feelings, he could let them move through him without needing to uproot his marriage.
Moving through life, you’re going to find yourself attracted to all sorts of people! Marriage is a decision and a commitment, but it’s not a contract to stop feeling.
Feelings are never bad. They simply are. If we got divorced every time we found ourselves attracted to someone else, we’d never get married in the first place.
My client felt relieved to hear that he wasn’t bad or wrong for the feelings moving through him, and as soon as he gave himself permission to feel the way he felt, the guilt went away, and the fear diminished. All that was left was a calm knowing that despite the attraction he felt, he was still in love with his wife and committed to their relationship. Interestingly, he noted that the attraction wasn’t as strong once he gave himself permission to feel his feelings. I explained that this is because what you focus on grows. When he was obsessing about trying not to feel attracted to someone else, he was actually causing the feeling to get bigger — which made his fear and guilt bigger, too. When he allowed the feeling of attraction to move through him without guilt, by simply noticing it was there, it began to dissipate.
This is the magic and healing power of self-acceptance. On any given day, you feel the way you feel. Let it be okay. You are not bad, or wrong, or sick, or demented (or whatever word your inner judge would use). You are in a human body, and you won’t always have control over the feelings that arise in you. Just love yourself. Have compassion for yourself. Don’t hold yourself to such strict standards that you judge and make yourself wrong for simply having a feeling. You are completely lovable!